Learning to live in the now! Focusing on what you want, not on what you DON'T want. Visualizing! This is a fantastic episode with tons of great tools to be Happy and Free on Purpose! Sign up for bi-weekly newsletters with reminders and special insider sweetness just for our tribe. I love you!
Today's episode with Tonya is for you if you are ready to create your life the way you want it! Watch the video or listen to the audio! Get connected with us and stay the course! You choose how you are creating your life.
Here is all of the extra, insider information, resources and free stuff from today's episode. We hope you will reach out to our guest Dr. Tonya and the Be Happy First Team. All our love! Be Happy First!
Tonya provides women with easy to use tools to create the life that they want. These tools include guided visualization, meditation, leveraging the universe, mental health and wellness journals, workbooks, courses, etc.
Including but not limited to.... The power of your thoughts – focusing on what you do want as opposed to what you don’t want.
Meditation and Guided Visualization/Imagery - Using visualization and your mind to create your happy place.
The Power of Living in the Now! 4 Week E-Course https://wellnesstools4women.com/the-power-of-living-in-the-now/
Wellness Tools 4 Women – https://wellnesstools4women.com
Do you want to learn to live your life ON YOUR OWN TERMS? Happy and Free On Purpose?! These 5 Magic Steps will start you on your way! Get FREE instant access to a video and guide to the Five Secrets to Happiness!
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0 (2s): Hello, and welcome to the how to choose happiness and freedom show. I'm your host Lauren Foster happiness teacher, and founder of be happy first as a certified life mastery consultant, masters of wisdom and meditation teacher and primal health coach. I'm on a mission to help 1 million women learn to be happy and free on purpose, healthy, wealthy, and joyfully living life on your own terms. Happiness is a choice and you can always choose to be happy first. Thanks so much for being here now on to today's episode. 1 (34s): Alright, happy Tuesday, everybody. I'm so happy to have today, dr. Tanya, that stint, she is a holistic psychologist. We're going to learn what that is and meditation teacher. And so here's how the universe works. I decided that I wanted amazing guests that have a similar message to mind, and I wanted to help to amplify their voice and, and, you know, and, and increase my impact in that way, by amplifying their message like that, that day or the very next day that I made that decision. 1 (1m 8s): I met Tanya and she said statements that sounded like I said them like, Oh my gosh, will you be on my show? And she said, sure, I will. So here we'll be asking it as given. Right. Absolutely. All right. So welcome, dr. Tanya. So tell, tell us what a holistic psychologist is. 2 (1m 29s): Well, it's sort of my word for an alternative psychologist, if you will. So I am originally a teacher, I'm a teacher at heart. I will always be a teacher, but I'm a teacher turns psychologist. So in my years of probably 15 or so years, almost 20 years of teaching, I realized that in teaching and I've taught everything from elementary all the way up to college. 2 (1m 59s): And so in all of that, I always found the missing piece with really being able to convey whatever it was, whatever the subject was to people. It was the psychological side that always seem to be missing. So in school, when we talked about working with the younger children and ground discipline and things like that, I was like, Oh, we're missing a piece here. There's something that is missing here. There are skills that they don't have. They're just the psychological side of it that you don't focus on that much. And so that kinda led me down a path to looking at psychology more, but I was never really all that thrilled with the traditional talk therapy. 2 (2m 38s): And so I started looking at it differently after I got my degree. I said, okay, how do I do this? How do I move? And sort of uniquely do this my way. And I very much been into sort of holistic health and wellness. And I was like, Oh, he's two married very well together. So when you can put aside a positive psychology side with holistic health and wellness, you really a great powerful combination. And so that's why I call myself a holistic psychologist because I really look at it, the sort of mind and the psychology and then alternatives. 2 (3m 10s): So it's not just the dish. And so dr. Tanya is also trained and certified by the same organization. David G is our Gibaree where we were certified as a meditation teachers. And then what a best gatherings is where we met. And so here we have the body and we have the mind and we have the spirit. So you're in clear you're including all of that and all the things that you teach. Absolutely. And I think that's the, you know, that's the key, that's the important pieces that you're not leaving out any part of who we are. 2 (3m 45s): All three of those pieces are very important. So, absolutely. So tell me a little bit about Tonya personally and, and your, your life story and how I I'm one of several authors doing an anthology called the art and science of transformation for women and yeah. And, and transformation stories are always, always wonderful on, you know, we want our listeners to get to know yourself. Right, right. So for me, I, you know, I'm a Southern girl, so I'm originally from the South, grew up, was raised by my grandmother mostly. 2 (4m 22s): And so my grandmother, my sort of journey into education really came from my grandmother because my grandmother couldn't read her. Right. She was raising both me and my sister, my oldest sister. And so she always really, like, I was always just sort of intrigued by the fact that she couldn't read it. Right. And so I was like always very interested in trying to teach her. So I became a teacher really early, probably around, I think maybe like fourth grade, Oh, you know, grandma, and you need to learn, you know, your ABC's and I can teach you and you know, those guys. 2 (4m 58s): So it kind of started with that. But she always, although she didn't have a formal education, she always encouraged us and really, you know, push us to, to get an education and to, you know, to follow our dreams and to be whatever it was that we wanted to be. And so I became a teacher and throughout my, and I love teaching, I love, you know, every aspect of it. But one of the things that I found probably I haven't seen maybe six years into my teaching career was that I was very stressed. 2 (5m 31s): So as teachers, we all know, and especially given, what's taking place this year with education and having to flip it very quickly and all of a sudden go from, you know, what teachers love, which is that face to face interaction with children. Now it's all online and trying to, you know, navigate what that looks like. And all of the technology that goes with it, teaching can be just a very stressful job. And so I loved it, but I was very unhealthy while I was doing it. And I knew it was the thing I was put here to do. I knew that I should stay in it, but I was like, I don't know, you know, how long I can do this because I'm just so overwhelmed and stressed out with it. 2 (6m 9s): And so, as I continued to go through, and there are some tools here and there and not a lot, and it really started to, it started to manifest physically for me. So I started having migraine headaches and they just became a part of my existence. And part of my being, it was like an everyday thing that I had. And so, you know, in my thinking, I was like, Oh, well, you know, maybe it's just a small environment. And if I, you know, transfer into like an administrative role, I can help to sort of shape the culture of the school and things will be different. 2 (6m 39s): And so I did that. I became a school administrator and that just amped up the level of stress. So there was like, Oh, well, this is going to cause me to be less stressed. It's just sort of our, on an additional layer. And then the migraines really became, you know, really serious. And so at one point, like I said, for the entire year, every single day, I will go with them. When I run down to bed, it was just, it was just really a part of who I am. And so my staff, they were the ones who came to me and said, are you okay? 2 (7m 9s): And I was like, yes, I, okay. And normally I would have a look like this on my face and I will be smiling and still kind of grimacing at the same time. And they would say, you know, you don't look okay. Like we really do think that you're gay. And I think it was because I just learned to deal with the pain that I was having and just adjust and keep moving. And so finally I did, I said, okay, you know, I was, I never took off work. I was a serious workaholic, so much of how, you know, a little work that I was doing. And so I did, I took off one day because I just really felt horrible that they went into the doctor and, and he scared me to life is what I always say. 2 (7m 49s): He's looked at me and he said, what? And all he wanted to do is really talk to me, which was another huge role for doctors even now. And so we sat and we talked for like a full hour and he just asked me lots of questions about my life and my lifestyle and things like that. And then at the end, you know, things out his pad and he started writing and he says, you know, you're in there that time. I think I was, I was in my early thirties being like 31, 30, 31. And he looked at me and he said, you know, you won't live to see 40, if you keep the lifestyle that you have. 2 (8m 23s): And he was like, you know, I'm really concerned at that time he thought I had aneurysm. And so I was like, Oh my God. And so that's the piece that really scared me. Cause I was like, Oh God, I wouldn't do it. And he was like, Oh, I didn't have to go right now, you know, and get an MRI and a cat scan and do all these things. And then I had to wait a couple of days in order for him to call me back and let him know. And it was those two days that really start to transform my life because I was like, Oh my gosh. I'm like, I have so much that I want to do. And again, it's still, I was in that mindset of being a worker all way. 2 (8m 54s): Cause I was like, I have work to do I, you not to do. But that started in the transformation for me when I realized I can't really do, like, I love these children, I love this work, but I can't do much to help them if I'm unhealthy myself. And so I really started to look at my lifestyle and even the day really kind of helped in some ways, because you know, kids who was high school, they would bring me gifts and things for different occasions. And I realized that, you know, I was trying to change my eating habits and then went and said, you know, I started there and they would bring me like six packs of the Patsy. 2 (9m 31s): And one day I was like, why don't you guys always bring me six packs of Pepsi? And so they were like, because that's your favorite thing? That's what you, like, you always have a can of Pepsi or a Abballa Pepsi on your desk. And I was like, Oh, you know what I do. Like, I drink enormous amounts of passing. I mean that, I was like, I drank more fancy than I did more like I rarely ever drink. And so it started, you know, with little things like that, for me, really, it was, it was mindfulness before I kind of knew what it was. It was me being really mindful about the life I was living, the things I was putting into my body. 2 (10m 5s): And the amount of time I was thinking to care for myself, which was next to none. So it put me on a personal path to wellness. And then I just on my path of sort of taking care of, again, my physical health first and then really getting into the mental and emotional side of things and the spiritual side of things it made me want to, cause I had started to look at other people around me and I was like, wow. And especially in my life, you know, I've had lots of strong black women in my life who, you know, we have been taught that we just persevere and get over things. 2 (10m 43s): Like, that's just how life is. That's just right. It was hard. And that's just how it was going to be. And you just have to always persevere and get over it. And then just like, just keep moving, keep moving. And you can never really show any signs of weakness and those kinds of things. And so it was that, that I was like, Oh wait, I have to really start to get rid of some of my beliefs around if I'm ever really going to be well, I'm in a holistic kind of way. Right. I gotta let go of some of the beliefs too. 2 (11m 14s): And that's the piece that took me to the psychology where I was like, you know, okay, I've got to, I worked on myself physically, but now I've got to work on my mind. I've got to work on my beliefs. You know, I've got to work on the spiritual side. And so, so that is really kind of, what's taken me to now has been lots of twists and turns and steps to where, you know, I said, I still want to teach. I'll always be a teacher, but now I'm going to teach in a different way. And so I started to teach kind of wellness things to the other educators that were around me. 2 (11m 46s): That's kind of how it started. I was like, teachers need to be healthier. So I started with teacher wellness, you know, things in schools and that community, the teacher wellness app and those kinds of things. But now it's more, I think for me more broadened out to be just women in general that, you know, again, as women, we are the ones who lead the way for our children for everyone else. And so it's so important for us to be healthy and to be well, but we so often put ourselves last. 2 (12m 19s): Yeah. It's just, you know, it's ingrained in us. So really is it that, you know, it's like, you have to be everyone first. And then if there's any time left, you can do something for you. And so backward, you can't, you have to be at the top of the list of kids. Right. So that's, you know, learning to put myself in saying that I ever had to do. And so I understand the struggle that other women have and you're driven to teach them that this is yeah, because you can't serve from an empty vessel. 2 (12m 54s): I mean, you know, that's one of my favorite sayings. I see it all the time continuously, but you really can't now you can't. And you know, one of the other things that I'm always saying is that words don't teach experience teaches. And so you have this experience that, and you know, and that's exactly the moment that I had. I'm like, Oh, I want all women to realize that they don't have to settle. You do not have to put up with migraines. Yes. You, don't lived a really happy, healthy life and still do all those things that you want to do. 2 (13m 31s): And that's the thing. It doesn't have to be a struggle. And that's one of those things. Like I think we went through such a long period of the struggle with the hustle and grind, all of those words that made them want to feel like so hard to get anywhere, to get any of the things you want, then you really have to just be really tough. And then when I learned, I was like, wait a second. We didn't even have to do all the work. 2 (14m 6s): I've been wrong with that all the time. It's like, it's not me. I have a role to play. I have a part that I have to do. And my part is really just being very clear on what it is that I want and then keeping my attention on it. I was like, those are the only two things and the universe is going to do all the rest. And, you know, originally I was like, there has to be a list and have to be more things that I have to do when I really came into that piece. 2 (14m 39s): And it sort of got in the flow of that. I was like, wow, this is very powerful. I had no idea that I had been missing out. And I always say, you know, when I was, teenager has been a force to be reckoned with <inaudible> because, you know, they already thought I was kinda an unusual gypsy child, that it was always out trying to explore things. But I was like, I would have really been like off the chain if I hadn't known then what I know now. 2 (15m 14s): So there's still plenty of time for you, the girl that brought the world. Yeah, absolutely. I'm 50. So I still got plenty of time. Yeah. Just live that life and to live a really. And that's the thing that connected me so much to you when you said I have a free life and it's like, that's, you know, the goal for, or shouldn't be the goal, you know, for all of us is that if you can really find, obviously find your happy place and you know, that's one of the keys it's like, you can find your own personal happy place. 2 (15m 52s): If you can't figure it out from me, you get it out from you. Cause you know, it's different. But if you find your own everything else in life and it becomes so much easier, you know, than what it's ever been before. Yeah. Okay. So everybody at the, I want you to pinpoint the part of her story where she said what this really is, how it works and didn't believe it until she tried it and proved it to herself and let the universe prove to her that it really does have her back. 2 (16m 24s): That if, if she is clear about what she wants and paying attention to those things and not paying attention to the lack of all those things, they would come to her. So experience is what teaches, right? And that's what drew me to Damon G so much is that, you know, I've listened to one of his meditations cause I really got heavily into meditation and it was his around the power of intention and attention. And I was like, wow, it really is. You know, those two things like if you're very clear about what your intention is, what you really want. 2 (16m 60s): And then the next step is, all you have to do is just focus your attention. Like don't be distracted by the 90,000 other things going on around you. But then you really just keep, you know, the majority of your focus on that thing, whatever it is, if it's your health and you know, where do you want that to be? If it's, you know, the abundance side of things and what you want from that, like all of this, your personal happiness, like, it really is just a matter of where's our attention, please, you know, what are we doing with all of our time and attention? 2 (17m 33s): So, and I love what you said about not focusing on the things that you don't want. Right. Which I was very much because I'm such a thinker. I spend a lot of time always worrying about what I thought was gonna happen, worrying about, you know, what would this happen? What if I do this? Is there something I can do to, to change this or to fix this or that kind of thing. And when I learned to drop worry and to say, okay, and then that's, you know, the reason why I love the sort of power of living in the now, because I'm like I have to come out of the future so much worrying of health what's going to happen. 2 (18m 13s): And I've never really been one to really hold onto the past so much. I've always been one where I'm like, okay, this was really difficult. This is the challenging experience I had, but now where do I want to go? So I always been kind of a weirdo. I don't want to go type of person, but then I would always worry, you know, do I have capacity to do this? Do I have what I need to do this, this, you know, what, if something goes wrong and you know, those kinds of things, but I lacked the idea of, you know, the power of living in the now, because it's like, you're not focused on the past and what's happened. 2 (18m 48s): You can't change that. And you're not focused too much into the future to the point where you are trying to fast forward yourself or, you know, create that so much on your own. And you're not worrying about it. You are really just being sort of happy and joyful in what you have. You're, you're spinning your focus on what's happening right now. And when I think about just like our world and what's going on with it, whether it is, you know, the coronavirus piece, whether it is the, all the things that are going along on with black lives matter, like for so many of these things, you know, just our country and how it's being run. 2 (19m 30s): Like all of those things, I have so many friends and colleagues who, and we all do it, you know, we all go down the rabbit hole and we'll start to be like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe he's saying this. He's doing this. Oh my gosh, I can't believe you know that it's 2020 and we're still, you know, we have so many race issues and you know, all of those things. And what did you know, coronavirus, I think just took us all by storm. And it's like, what is this? And what's happening. And you know, this shouldn't be happening. And that, you know, and when all of that got started, I found myself doing the same thing, you know, a really low what's going on with it and focusing on so much of what I didn't want. 2 (20m 9s): And then I was like, Oh wait, wait, wait, wait. And I remember going to my wife one day and saying, wow, like, wait, we have to change our conversation. And we have to be very mindful about really sitting down and being intentional about what do we want from this? What is it? So, you know, with the coronavirus piece, you know, I sat and I meditated for a while. Then I said, you know, in all of this, I don't know what all this is, but what I do know is that I want to be, and I am healthy. I'm healthy and are well, that's what I want out of it. 2 (20m 41s): So I'm not gonna focus in, you know, people would say, did you hear what happened? Did you hear how many people that? And I was like, Nope, I, I can't do all that. What I know is that in this moment I am healthy and I'm well, and all the rest of them doesn't have anything to do with me. I'm not dealing with any of that. And you know, sometimes people, especially family and they look at you like, you're crazy. Cause they're like, don't you now? And I said, absolutely, I will follow the rules. So I don't know enough to know okay. For Maryland, because that's where I am. 2 (21m 12s): You know, we can't go out without mass. Okay. I know that, understand it. And I will comply, you know, with what those rules are. But beyond that, I'm not going to get consumed with what's happening. Right. And you know, I think that's, it's such a powerful thing for us to understand is that you really have to focus on what he wants to have happen. And not just all of the negatives, all the negative things that are going on around us. I liked what mother Tracy has said. She was asked why she would never attend an antiwar rally. 2 (21m 46s): And she says, Oh no, I'll never do that. But invite me to approach peace rally and I'll be there to absolutely anything we push against. We're only adding energy to it. Yes. Yes. And that's so true. And that's one of those things where again, it was, it was hard for me because, you know, I was very much a person where I'm like, Oh, you know, you're doing this and we have to say this and that stop doing this. And you know, everything from earth day to, you know, whatever, you know, I was like, there was a cause I was down for, I had to realize, Oh wait. 2 (22m 20s): But so yes, I do believe that we can take better care of the earth, but maybe me, you know, doing some of these rallies and those kinds of things against global warming and all that, that's maybe not the right way to go about this. And so it's, you know, it's like, okay, what can I do to contribute? Okay, I can plan the garden. I can grow my own food. I can, you know, I can, you know, teach other people to garden. So there are other ways where I can, you know, have an impact I can recycle so I can do my own personal things right. 2 (22m 53s): Of go to all of those kinds of things. And that's the biggest thing I think now, because even with everything that's going on with black lives matter, and you know, I have a lot of family and friends and, you know, a lot of young people who are doing the protests and things like that. And I fully support them in what they're doing, but you know, it's like, I can just have a different way, the different approach of, of looking at that and saying, okay, I really want to spend my time, effort and energy on what kind of America do I want us to, you know, I want us to be a place where, because we are so multicultural that everyone can kind of come here and live and to be a part of the fabric of this country and to be safe and well and doing it, you know, to be respected, to be all of those things. 2 (23m 43s): And so not to focus so much on again, on those negatives that's happening. And so I don't do the protesting and things like that. Then, you know, people will say, I don't want you, you know, and it is not always easy to explain, you know, why you want to do those things. And it's like, no, I'm, I'm with you in the sense that I do believe that we need change. And I do believe we have the power to create the country that we want to have, but there's also, there's mind things that need to happen and take place. 2 (24m 15s): And collectively, if you start to again, visualize, want to have, we'll get ourselves there much faster than fighting against each other. Just tell them you're the mother Teresa of your neighborhood. Well, I don't know about that because I just said conversation with some friends and, you know, they were like, Oh, I took them through with infinite possibilities workshop. I'm like, yes, yes. I mean the possibilities trading there. 2 (24m 47s): That's awesome. Yes. And so they were like, Oh, we were some jokes that happened. And they were like, Oh, so you're so like, woo. And I was like, yes. And then I said, well, actually remember that workshop that you went through with me a few months ago. And they were like, Oh yeah. And I was like, well, you're moving too. Cause you went through the word and they were like that. And I was like, yes, again, it's sometimes not how you picture it, but it isn't, you know, the whole workshop, we just talked about the power of leveraging the universe and how you can create, you know, the life that you want. 2 (25m 20s): You don't have to wait for somebody else to do it for you. You don't have to, you know, wait for our country to change or world to change or them, you know, you can have that life right now. Right. You don't have to please your mother, you don't have to please your precedent. You don't have to please your husband or your wife, or you get to have, you get to create the life that you want. And that's, that's so hard for people to get their minds are out. It really is like you sent me, you know, those are fighting words. When you say you don't have to please your mother, you don't have to please your spouse, you don't have to, you know what it's so I always say, and what I think is behind me, and one of my quotes is instead of thinking outside of the box, how about just get rid of the box? 2 (26m 4s): I really think that that's kind of what it requires is that you really have to just tear up the entire box, tear up the tire, construct everything that we've been taught. And I think that's why it's so tough for people is because it's like, you want me to give up everything that I know to follow or to believe that that life can be just that easy. And so that's why I really got into the teacher side of me and got into the tools piece. 2 (26m 35s): And I was like, okay, well maybe this is like too big of a construct for people. But if you can give them two small tools, just, you know, things that they need. And I came at it originally from the stress perspective because everybody feels like they're stressed out. And so I was like, okay, well, if you feel like you're stressed out, there's some tools that you can use that if you really do learn these things, they will help you be able to alleviate a lot of that stress. And so then, you know, and then that branched it out to more wellness tools as in general. 2 (27m 6s): But you know, even when I talk about meditation, I always do it from a standpoint of, you know, they're the reason why you're stressed is because you don't submit any time. And I always ask them, how much time do you spend being like still in quiet? And they're like feeling quiet all the time, you know? And I'm like, okay, I understand that. But do you think you could find like two minutes in a day to be still? And they're like, what am I going to be doing? 2 (27m 38s): You're going to be still in who I am. They're like, okay. And you know, it's like, that's where I started with people. It's like, if you can give yourself just two minutes, like, can you find two minutes in the morning when you first sit up and you live right there, you know? And then it's kind of works its way into, you know, full meditation. But you know, it's my belief that that's what meditation is. It's like giving yourself just a moment to be still in quiet. And you know, in our world that's considered to just be a waste of time, I guess. 1 (28m 10s): Yeah. But again, once you start and prove to yourself, how much better your days go and how much calmer you are and how much more resilient you are when things go wrong that good. If you can start, then you can convince yourself. So share with me your favorite tool to get people started. So here here's my listener that says, all right, you know, I think these girls are full of crap, but I'm willing to try one little thing and we get just one little part of their mind open to the possibility that they might really be the creators of their lives. 1 (28m 49s): What's the first tool that pops into your mind that you can share with us. 2 (28m 53s): My favorite is visualization because I think that all of us, there's something for every person, doesn't matter how busy they are, how stressed they are, how much of a nonbeliever they are in any of this. I always start with like, what's something that you want. What's just one, it could be anything. And it doesn't matter what it is. And so, you know, some people will say, I want a different job. I don't want, you know, to be healthier a lot that happens a lot with people. 2 (29m 25s): Some people will say, you know, more money, they want an abundance, those kinds of things. And so it starts with that. And so, you know, it begins with, okay, so there's a tool and you know, again, that's like a, well, you know, there are a lot of things that are, everything was created our minds with different people's minds. So if you think about, and I always give the example, we'll think about how the Wright brothers, for example, one needs to be able to fly. And at that point they were like, well, you couldn't play. That's not what we do. 2 (29m 55s): You're going to just be floating around in the air. Like, what are you doing with this? But in their minds, they can conceive that there is, you know, if there's a possibility for us to create some kind of crap, they can, you know, take us, you know, for distances throughout the air. And I was like, it was them constantly saying focused on that and putting their attention on that, that they were able, you know, to be able to create that for us. Now we fly all over the world. Don't even think twice about it. And so, you know, people look and they're like, Oh, okay. 2 (30m 27s): And so I said, so your mind has that same power. So if it is a different job that you want and you feel like, you know, you're stuck in this job when you're not. So what is, what does that job look like? And so, you know, I just have them like close your eyes and just think about for you if the job that you currently have, nobody cares about that. But so just close your eyes and just tell me, you know, visualize what would that perfect job look like to you? Where are you? And so I take them through a visualization of even though that's not, you know, I haven't said that word at all. 2 (31m 0s): I'm like, just imagine, just tell me where, you know, what kind of is it at an office space is an indoors. Is it outdoors? You know, what, what is your space look like? Do you have your own desk? What are you doing? What are you doing? You know, in this job, how much money are you making in this job when you're there, like picture yourself doing this thing, are you smiling when you laughing? Like what's the emotion that you feel around this? And so by the time you get to the end of it, they have a very clear picture of this new job that they want this different career, you know, that they want. 2 (31m 36s): And so, you know, it's at that point that I say, okay, you just, you know, gone through a visualization. So now you have a very clear idea of this. Can you take just a couple minutes every day to go over that vision that you have just sit close your eyes, all you gotta do is close your eyes, breathing in and out a couple of times, and then just see yourself at that job. And most people can, because once they get clear in their mind of, well, this really is the type of job. Like, no, I didn't go to Google and started looking up jobs and doing all that. 2 (32m 9s): But I just got clear around this is the kind of place I want to be. And this is what I want to be doing every day, you know, for eight hours a day. And then I just like, can you just practice it? Can you just say, you know, maybe five minutes a day and no longer, and just sit when you get up in the morning and see yourself, instead of saying, Oh my God, I hate this job. And I don't want to get married. You know, that kind of thing, which is so often what we do. I'm like, instead of doing all of that, you're just going to sit on the side before you go to your current job, you're going to visualize this, you know, new job that you want to have. 2 (32m 44s): And I think that it's those kinds of tools that open people up to where, you know, I'm not saying so guided imagery is a very powerful thing, you know, and I can do, it's like, no, but can you see, you know, for yourself? And that I think opens people up a lot. And even in situations where, you know, I worked with people who were really stressful around stress, around situations that they have going on. And so I'll just ask them, what do you want? You know, what do you want from this situation? What do you want, what do you want the situation to be? 2 (33m 17s): We already know what it is, but when you want it to be paint a picture, and that's always the word I use is paint a picture of what that would look like if you had a better home situation with your spouse. And so it starts, so that's why I love visualization because it gets you clear it's, it goes back to that intention and attention thing. In fact, if I can get you to be clear on what you want and you can see it and you can, it's very powerful when you add emotion to it, when you can feel yourself there, then you know, you know, as well as I know it comes to you much quicker when you can add that sense of emotion to it. 2 (33m 56s): And then just trying to get people to just practice just a little bit and not, you know, going too deep with it and not saying, Oh, you know, you have to develop a personal practice in meditation and you have to do all these things, but just saying, you got five minutes every day to do that and then do it for a week. And let me know, you know, getting back to me and let me know what's happening with that. And some people will say, you know, I just kinda felt a little better about going, like, I'm not really sure what happened with work, but I was like, how was your weekend work this week? 2 (34m 28s): And then they're like, you didn't get on my nerves as much, or this didn't happen. And you know, so it's, it's really, it's those small little tools that kind of help them make the connection that, wow, I'm online. It wasn't that your coworker, but probably in less gripey than she's ever been. You just didn't hear her and see her the same way. Exactly normally did. And it didn't have anything to do with us changing her. And that's the, the piece is so often people, you know, when they're in situations, they want to change something about the other people or whatever. 2 (35m 5s): And I'm like, no, it's it's, but it's hard to go to people and say, no, you have to. But you know, again, if you, if you come at it from tools and say, well, there's a tool, you know, that you can use and that, you know, maybe, and try it. And my thing with the tools are that, you know, I can give you a list of maybe 20 different things and they may not all resonate with you. They may not all, you know, really be something that you feel like is for you, but just try a couple of them. 2 (35m 35s): And if you try a couple of them, tested it out and see, and then if you feel like it's for you, then that's something that you add in your personal toolkit. And so I always say, when it comes to our personal wellness, we all need a toolkit. So just like, you know, we all have tools and things that we use for our professions. Every doctor has there's lawyers have there's teachers that are there, but as people, we all have to have our own personal, you know, wellness toolkit, you've got to have those strategies that you're using every single day to make sure that you are whole, you know, healthy and well. 2 (36m 10s): And they have to be, of course, mind, body, and spirit, you know, tools. You can't do one without the other, which often we try to do, but you know, only working on your physical body without your mind and your spirit, it's, you know, it's still an incomplete process, 1 (36m 27s): Right? We have a primal health coach that another of my programs, one of the women from promo health cause coach Institute will be on, I think it's next week. And so we're talking very much about your relationship with your body and your relationship with food and the, just the way that you're going about things I wanted to ask you. Do you teach how to do vision boards to go along with your visualizing process? 2 (36m 53s): Yes, definitely have always been a fan and a lover of a vision board. I have, you know, I can see one of the mind here in my office. One of the things that I keep saying, I'm going to do some kind of course or something on this at some point, but one of the things, so my wife and I, or one of the intentions that we have is to move from Maryland to Hawaii. So I lived in Hawaii when I was younger in my twenties. 2 (37m 25s): And so we both now in our fifties, want to go back there and we want to, you know, just have that be our permanent residence. And we want to have a retreat center there. And so I probably, at the beginning of this year, maybe like around December, I just met was meditating. And then after the meditation, maybe a couple of hours later, I got this idea of well, because she and I do vision boards every year. We were sort of preparing and gearing up for in December and we do it every December together. 2 (38m 1s): So we do individual ones, but we also do a collective one as a couple, so that we are very clear, you know, on, you know, the direction that you want to go for that year as a couple. And so, you know, I had been preparing for that and it just came to me. I was like, Hmm, well, you know, you do vision boards every year and they are very powerful, but what about, you know, with this Hawaii thing, I'm doing the living vision board. And at the time I was like, Hmm, we would envision more like, what would that, and sort of the thought, you know, as days went by more things came to me and I was like, Hmm, a living, breathing vision board. 2 (38m 41s): So what we did was I talked about wise and I said, so you think you can do this. They're all little experiments for me. And so I'm like, so you went through this experiment with me and she was like shooting her, what is it? And so I was like, I want us to turn our house into a living vision board probably won't do that. And so I was like, so, so we know that the big thing that we want to do is we want to, you know, go to Hawaii and have this retreat center. And so I was like, so what do you think about, instead of doing it on just a piece of paper that the house is the vision board. 2 (39m 15s): So we're going to turn the house into what it is that we want. So we talked about it and I was like, you know, we need a Palm tree. We need, you know, it's like, what kind of thing? So we brought Hawaii and you can see one behind me that says, Aloha vibes, sign back there. And so what we did for probably up until up until all the virus have happened, probably we would just find things. So find things that for us represented Hawaii in the kitchen, we were like, Oh, you know, for the kitchen, for the retreat center, we wouldn't have, you know, a nice little a tea area. 2 (39m 54s): Cause we both loved different teas. And so we got on Amazon or like a nice tea carousel and I went and got all these different Tropic booties and we put it there. We have pineapple and mango sitting there for the guests to eat. And so we've been doing this for the last seven months now I wear a mirror like, so when, you know, my sister came up to visit and we were like, Oh, I'm going to set up the bedroom. And so we've named our extra bedroom, a name that we're going to have for the retreat. And so that's the guest room, you know, for the people who come through her cheeks in. 2 (40m 27s): And so when her and her husband came, we were like, welcome to, and it's funny because the name of our retreat center is going to be the happy place, happy place. We, you know, when my sister came her like welcome to the happy place and my sisters can look there and be like, girl, what are you talking about? Like at, and I'm like, no, let me show you to your room. And so literally we took them up and we had, you know, put some nice things on the bed for them and done all this stuff. And they were kind of like, what are you doing? We were like, our house is a living vision board. And so they were, you know, and there's different Aloha things. 2 (40m 58s): And we have a sign out front that says welcome to the happy place. And so it's all right. So it's been an interesting, we turned our deck into an outdoor garden Oasis because once we got to the block down piece, we were kinda like, what are we going to do? You know, with all this time? And, and gardening is a thing I love, but I always say, I don't have time for it because I'm traveling, you know, you want to workshops and things like that. And this year, all that got shut down. So I had three whole months to garden. 2 (41m 29s): So our entire deck is, is just full of our neighbors are like, what are they doing over there? They're like roll into Kenya and tomatoes and squash and peppers and onions. And like as much stuff as I could fit on probably a 12 foot deck. And it's funny because we're doing a video for Facebook, just talking about the garden and stuff. And there's a wooden area that's like right behind our house. And so one of our friends was like, so did you guys move to Hawaii already? 2 (42m 3s): And I was like, why do you, why are you asking? She was like, Oh my God. It was so, and that day it was raining and she was like, it was so beautiful. And I was like, Oh, they're there, they're in Hawaii. And I was like, you know what? It's in the vortex, it's being right as you speak. And I was like, and so, so many people, our friends think we're there already, whenever we go out there on the deck. So yes, the answer, the long answer to your question is I'm a super fan of visual glacier, that whole living piece. 2 (42m 33s): It's extremely powerful. I liked that idea because it keeps it active again, you know, it keeps your attention focused on it. Whereas when you do it on paper or you do it on your computer, you know, that type of thing. Sometimes we tend to, you know, walk away from it and we forget it, which is still works that way, because I've done that tons of times where I'll put it up. And then at the end of the year I look and I go, wow, I got almost everything, you know, and I like, I haven't even think about it. I think there are different ways to do it, but definitely a powerful piece to do. 2 (43m 6s): Yeah. 1 (43m 7s): I really, I love those words too. And you know, that you just made an Abraham Pix reference. He and I followed the same teachers. 2 (43m 13s): <inaudible> so absolutely. Yes, we are total of Abraham and Esther Hicks fans. Absolutely. 1 (43m 27s): Yeah. And my daily, I used to years the decades, long time ago when we still used cassette tapes, I had his possibilities for recordings and I wouldn't be out walking my dog and listened to those and going Hmm, 2 (43m 44s): Absolutely. In all different ways of saying the same thing. Yes. And I think that's the piece that I love is that whether it's Abraham and instigates Willis, my duty, whether it's Dave and Jean, like all seeing the same thing, but just, you know, have their own unique way of bringing that same information. And I think the same thing, you know, for the two of us, and again, you know, that happiness factor that finding your happy place, you know, that understanding that happiness is a key to all of this and that piece, you know, for me, came from Abraham in the sense of, cause again, as the person who worked a lot and felt like everything was going to come from hard work. 2 (44m 30s): And that was a huge for me to get over in knowing that my, you know, I have a little sign up here in my office that says I have only one goal in life to be happy, to be happy. And that you talk about foreign concept. I was like, that's all I have to do. And what is that? You know? But like one of my tools that I always tell people is figure out what makes you happy? Cause a lot, I didn't know. I didn't really know. Like when my wife asked me, I was like, well, and so I said it and I'm like, usually I can think of things. 2 (45m 4s): And I was like, well, that kinda makes me happy. Although I haven't done it in like 20 years. And so she was like, okay. So, you know, it was a struggle for me to really figure out and to have like a list of things that made me happy outside of work. Right. And so I, you know, it, it took about probably about a year of me. Like I just started, I kept a running tab of, okay, this is the thing that I really, this does bring me joy. Okay. This is the thing that brings me joy. And then it moved from, okay, now that I have this list, well, how often do I do any of these things? 2 (45m 39s): And the answer was rarely ever. And so I was like, okay. So even though it says, I have to include like everyday I have to do what makes me happy. Well, I'm not going to stop working Abraham, you know, do all those things. But I was like, okay, can I do one of these things that I do? One thing that makes me happier every day. And now I have gotten to a point where, you know, the majority, I would probably say 80% of my day, the 90% of my date is doing things that make me happy. And I don't really worry and stress as much anymore about I have to do, like I used to do this was my thing. 2 (46m 14s): And so it was always a list of the things I had to do. And I would always wonder why those things were so hard and grueling and why I never seemed to be able to get through this list. And it was because it was like, it's all about your mindset around that, because they have asked you to do all these things, which is why you don't like them. So now, you know, it is, it's like a list of what are the things I get to do. Yeah. But it really is just like the first thing I do is always something that brings me joy, something that makes me happy. 2 (46m 49s): And so now I noticed schedule that at the beginning of the day. So like, you know, whether it is like today drinking Chinese tea and my mother says, you know, find your happy place. So, you know, that's one of the things that just brings me joy. So it's like, okay, first thing I'm going to do is that, and then, you know, I'm going to meditate, I'm going to visualize. And then, you know, I might listen to some music. And so it's like all of those things that I really originally felt like were not a waste of time, but they were just thinking they were luxuries kind of, I guess it's like, you know, you can do those things after you've done, like all of this work and now I know reverse them. 2 (47m 30s): And it's like, you know, for that tool for people, I always say fine, write down the list of things that make you happy, the things that bring you joy and then make sure be intentional about doing as many of those things every day, as you can do your schedule up with those things. And then whatever other things, you know, you want to add in, you can add in, but it really does. It changes like your whole being when you do that. And then as far as fast, it really does, like in the beginning, you know, some people will say, well, it was stressful for me to do those things as opposed to the event that I write. 2 (48m 10s): And I'm like, okay, but that's just because your mind just needs to change. So you're, you were already in your mind to be okay with doing things that make you happy, as opposed to doing things that you've been told you have to do. So, you know, yeah. There's a little tension I guess, and you know, in the beginning of it, but I'm like, just stick with it, just keep doing it because once your minds or relaxes around that idea, then it's going to drop off a lot of the stress and the anxiety and the worry that it has. And then you're going to be able to do those other things so much easier, much easier yet our brains are resistant to change either change. 2 (48m 49s): Absolutely. 1 (48m 50s): All right. Awesome. Well, this has been so awesome. Awesome. Awesome. We've got wellness tools for women.com. We've got that link. That's already on the screen and we'll share all of these links in the comments on Facebook, and there'll be in the show notes and on the podcast. So anywhere wherever you are watching or listening to this interview with awesome, Tanya, you'll be able to find all the links to all of her neat tools and neat stuff then so happy that I met you and I will be your beta test subject for your retreat in Hawaii the minute. 2 (49m 25s): Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. We feel it coming around December so of this year. So absolutely. He would love to have you come and I've never been to <inaudible>. 1 (49m 45s): All right. Well, thank you all so very much for joining us, Tammy. Thank you for being here. I didn't get a chance to say hello at the beginning of the show, when you popped in and Alicia and Gina were happy to have you here with us as always. So we're going to be back on Thursday. I can't remember off the top of my head who our guest is, but it's going to be awesome just like today. And in the meantime, remember that happiness is a choice and you can always choose to be happy first. So you think.
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